By Pamela Ellertson Baby whisperer, drill sergeant for twins, lactation cheerleader—those are just some of the monikers that clients over the past 14 years have bestowed on newborn consultant Ellen Grossman. Just as each of the more than 500 babies she has helped nurture is different, so too are the services that Grossman’s Newborn Necessities offers each new mom. When they are seven-months pregnant, moms-to-be check in with Grossman to make sure that their stock of shower gifts and nursery purchases will cover all their needs. Once the babies arrive, Grossman visits daily for a minimum of five hours until they are three weeks old.
Grossman, 52, teaches by doing, demonstrating hygiene, self-soothing techniques for the baby, breast feeding, and sterilizing bottle feeding accoutrements. She specializes in synchronizing twins’ schedules; and, if requested, will help train and hire long-term caregivers. But, above all, it’s Grossman’s flexibility that new moms value. “I look at their eyes some days when I come through the front door and see nothing is going on in there, and I go, ‘You’ve got the day off,’” she says. On those days, Grossman’s clients call her nothing short of a life saver. I started noticing that the friends in the neighborhood who were having babies later than I was didn’t have any skills [with newborns], so I would go over there and help them while they were resting up. When I would leave I would see them almost dewy eyed because there was no support system there, no one to help nurture the woman.
Usually she is well-educated and a first-time parent between 34 and 42. She hears about me through her pediatrician or classes or the gal-pal network. She is usually working right up until delivery in upper management. I’ve cared for lawyers, politicians, ballerinas—the whole gamut.
The mother is settling in for the very first day, and there’s a tremendous amount of overwhelming excitement. The baby usually will be sleeping from the car ride home for the first several hours, and then [the parents] realize that the baby hasn’t been fed for like four hours, and they go “OK, wake the baby.” The husband makes sure the wife is well-fed and well-hydrated. I take the baby out of the car seat, make sure that the cord is looking alright, that he or she is not jaundiced—sometimes my babies go back [to the hospital] because they’ve let them out too early. I get them ready for nursing or bottle feeding. The mothers are usually exhausted from the hospital and go to sleep, so I usually go over a lot of hygiene with the dad.
They either come with me or I go alone. And I go to their house beforehand and check out their shower gifts and see what is really practical for the first three months. It’s not about being an interior decorator; I set up a room with safety in mind. People who are adopting call me, too. I get everything ready if they are going overseas or need everything right now. With the Internet,we can also go online to catalogs, and everything is shipped to the home. When I get my call I will usually have a woman saying, “Ellen, we really want you here the first week, but I'm having a little bit of friction with my mother-in-law.” Or sometimes I'm a gift from the grandparents-to-be, and they would love for me to be there the second week when they're tiring or their plans don't coincide. But it’s imperative that I’m there the first week. Having one-on-one instruction the first week is vital to the tranquility of the new parents, which in turn creates a manageable newborn.
The biggest coup is my mothers really want to breast feed. When I have a crying baby the first week, the parent of the new mom will say, “Ellen, can’t we just give this baby formula? Why do we have to let this baby cry?” I’ll say, “It’s not my decision and your daughter’s in very good hands with me. I wouldn’t do anything to harm your daughter or the baby.”
They’re so well-read before their due date. But with Mother Nature you can prepare and prepare, and it just may not work out the way they had hoped. There are the disappointments of an unplanned C-section and of wanting to breast feed but not having the capacity.
Pretty much handling the newborn and the neck control… and thoughts like “how am I going to ever learn all this?” It’s natural and not usually a problem.
Contact Ellen Grossman and Newborn Necessities at 781 449-5612.
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